Re: Your best comebacks

[Paradon]

We've all had those moments, particularly on the internet, when we come up with the perfect retaliation to some assholes snide comment.  Instead of them being lost in distant memory, I thought we could pop them here for others to laugh at or use for future punches. Share the witty love.

My personal favourite (used on a few occasions).
"You better go put on a condom. If you're going to act like a dick you may as well dress like one".

[6piece]

I like the whole - "What are you doing on the computer woman?! Get back to the kitchen!!" Cracks me up everytime 

[Jerkub]

Some guy shouted at me in the street the other night, so I spat at him and then stabbed him. Then I realised he was shouting as his dog, he was blind.

[JollyRoger]

Some guy shouted at me in the street the other night, so I spat at him and then stabbed him. Then I realised he was shouting as his dog, he was blind.

sounds like a typical english chav to me

[Ataylor0]

Some guy shouted at me in the street the other night, so I spat at him and then stabbed him. Then I realised he was shouting as his dog, he was blind.

sounds like a typical english chav to me

^LOLOL^

My mate was annoying me, calling me short :/

So i hit him in his weak spot.
Said 'Fuck off sam, go pass your theory'

Sounds pathetic but it was a VERY sore subject as he failed it 3 times.
He just went quiet and the whole class started pissing them selves.

[Jerkub]

Some guy shouted at me in the street the other night, so I spat at him and then stabbed him. Then I realised he was shouting as his dog, he was blind.

sounds like a typical english chav to me

This didn't really happen, just thought it was funny
Twisted sense of humour ftw.

[Strandern]

In Norway, we have a different grades-system, where 1 is the worst, and 6 is the best

Buddy 1 to Buddy 2: It's a bit of a fail to have 4 in English, when you're half-english (his dad is from England)
Me to buddy 1: It's a bit of a fail to have 3 in Norwegian, when you're fully Norwegian

[JollyRoger]

Some guy shouted at me in the street the other night, so I spat at him and then stabbed him. Then I realised he was shouting as his dog, he was blind.

sounds like a typical english chav to me

This didn't really happen, just thought it was funny
Twisted sense of humour ftw.

lol. I've been punched in the face for 'looking' at someone.

[Ataylor0]

Some guy shouted at me in the street the other night, so I spat at him and then stabbed him. Then I realised he was shouting as his dog, he was blind.

sounds like a typical english chav to me

This didn't really happen, just thought it was funny
Twisted sense of humour ftw.

lol. I've been punched in the face for 'looking' at someone.

Me and a bunch of mates got in a bit of a scuffle with some random guy when he ran past up.
We were all very drunk....

[Jerkub]

Drunk fights are awesome. Some guy kept badgering me for an arm wrestle in mcdonalds at about 4 in the morning, he looked a bit dodgy, and I didn't want a fight so I said no for a while, but I gave in eventually because he started mouthing off a bit, so when we started I kept his hand in the middle while he was pushing for about 5 seconds, then said, ''Oh, we're going?'' then slammed his hand to the table. Then I got up and went to shake his hand, and he pushed me, I pushed back, he swung for me in a stupid drunken motion, then I just shoved him as hard as I possibly could in his chest and he flew back and hit his head on another table, then the bouncers took him outside. lawl

[Paradon]

You have bouncers in McDonalds? 

[JollyRoger]

You have bouncers in McDonalds? 

lmao!

[Jerkub]

Haha I know!! Well, the high street has 2 club/bar things on it, a Wetherspoons and we had a Walkabout at the time, its something else now, so kicking out time at the bars, the bouncers go down to look after the staff at McDonalds because everyone is pissed, and hungry! Nothing really ever happens down there because everyone is too drunk to see, plus one of the bouncers looks like Wesley Snipes and wears a long leather coat with metal gloves, so we call him Blade. He likes me thank god.
    I live in Rugby by the way, fair few scumbags that wander around town on weekend nights. :/

[Paradon]

Rofl Thank fuck for that. I was beginning to think you live in an area where kids start a gang war because they got the wrong toy in their happy meal.

[Jerkub]

Rofl Thank fuck for that. I was beginning to think you live in an area where kids start a gang war because they got the wrong toy in their happy meal.

LOL! Wouldn't surprise me.